So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
