So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
