he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
