he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
