i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
