return my video game
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we made out on top of his cat.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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