Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize