You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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