I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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