ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
