I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
