I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
