Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
