Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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