Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize