i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
