Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
