i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize