Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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