Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
