3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
