I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
