rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
