trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
