i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
