why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
