I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
