no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
