Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
