So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
