My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
