Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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