Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
