Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
