I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
