It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
