I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
