Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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