I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
