Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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