Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
