The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
