break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
