I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
