my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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