So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize