I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize