I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
