You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize