All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
