it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
