I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
