I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
