I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize