Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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