So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
