I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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