sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
420 ftw
This house was built for laser tag.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
