On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
