Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
