yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
