Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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