Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
