you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
