I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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