ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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