By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
