I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
