how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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