Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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