butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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