Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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