Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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