Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
