I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize