I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
