Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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