I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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