Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
