Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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