sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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